Telling Our Stories

We Are Pastors Who Happen To Be Gay (or Transgender)

Mieke Vandersall (left) with inquirer Alex McNeill (right)

For the past eight years, lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) Presbyterian inquirers and candidates for ordained ministry have met behind closed doors at an annual summer retreat. Out of necessity we have worked hard to create a safe place—free from judgment and fear—where we could pray, share stories, be a community, and gain both support and strength.

How did this begin? Why was there a need for this in the first place? As one of the founders of this retreat, these are typical questions I get asked. Until recently, G-6.0106b of the Book of Order excluded anyone in a same-sex relationship, or anyone who was simply out as LGBT, from ordained ministry in the PC(USA). As two out lesbians pursuing ordained ministry while G-6.0106b was still in place, my friend The Rev. Eily Marlow and I knew how lonely the journey to ordained ministry can be for LGBT individuals. We knew that we didn’t want anyone to feel as alone and as isolated as we did during the process. Therefore, we began to gather this sacred community.

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We have begun to see our stories not as hindrances to our ministry but assets… I hope that you hear in them the hope for the church that I feel when I look into the eyes of these brave souls.
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We publicized the first retreat through word-of-mouth, email listservs, and letters to seminaries. To our surprise, 17 people came. Through Presbyterian Welcome and with the support of many organizations and congregations, the annual retreat was born. It has been a powerful and transformative experience for so many ever since.

At this year’s retreat, only eight years later we have doubled that number to 35 participants. Over the years we have brought together close to 75 individuals from all across the country. Life-long friendships have been made, strength has been given, hope has been created, community has been built, and the love of Jesus Christ has been made manifest.

This past July, in rural Georgia, we held the first retreat since the passage of 10-A, which overturned G-6.0106b and adopted inclusive ordination standards. 35 of us were able to rejoice in the opening that has been created for us to serve God and the denomination we love with honesty and transparency. Over the years I have found that most of the retreat participants have resisted being labeled as “gay pastors”—our identity and sense of call is so much greater. Most just want to be a pastor… who happens to be gay (or transgender). We discussed this difference at length. After eight years, the inquirers and candidates who attend are awakening to the truth that there is some reason that God is calling us lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people—just as we are—to serve Christ in the Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.).

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Over the years I have found that most of the retreat participants have resisted being labeled as “gay pastors”—our identity and sense of call is so much greater. Most just want to be a
pastor… who happens to be gay (or transgender).
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We have begun to see our stories not as hindrances to our ministry but assets. The church needs to hear the stories these inquirers and candidates carry within them. They are powerful testimonies to the workings of God in their lives when many in the church have not been able to see it. This year, much of our time together was spent learning to tell our stories. One of our inquirers, Alex McNeill (whose story is included in this series), led us through three different workshops where participants were able to discover the power of their own voices.

I invite you to read the following stories from participants in this year’s retreat during this Coming Out Week. These stories are examples of the power of what happens when we come out—sharing our most authentic selves with others. But note that in the sharing of these stories, one is anonymous and some leave sexuality and gender identity ambiguous: this is intentional, for these stories are less about disclosing vulnerable identities and more about inviting you into a safe, communal, and complex space. I hope that you hear in them the hope for the church that I feel when I look into the eyes of these brave souls

Check out the entire National Coming Out Week series, featuring the stories of LGBTQ candidates for ordained ministry